Bad things happen to us all the time. People turn on us, friends leave us, there are bitter arguments, a theft of a smile, a broken heart, a catastrophe. With shattered hopes, some genius always pips in to tell us, “hey, just forgive and forget”. These three words are like a log in our dictionaries. The way people do not frequently hesitate to reveal these words of wisdom to us, we never fail to do the opposite with them. The question however is, do we really move on? Or are these words just a solace for a hurting heart?
Going deep into the half told truth of forgive and forget, we underestimate the amount of energy required to do the same; moving on. When we are hurting, the last thing we want to do is forgive the culprit and then to top it all forget about the whole episode. It’s easy said than done. And that too is an understatement.
Forgiving means we let go of the grudge we have for the antagonist. We tell ourselves lies like ‘it was never meant to be’, ‘it was for the best’, ‘I was the fool’, etc. To forgive means that we in the real sense move on with our lives, and tell ourselves that ‘what happened, happened’ and ‘there is nothing we could have done about it’. It’s almost like having a change of the heart and finally letting go of the bitter memories. The point here is, is it that simple? Or are we just fooling ourselves?
The truth is, forgiving isn’t easy. Forgiving someone completely means overcoming the bigness of the small word, ‘ego’, and overlooking it so as to see the bigger picture. It requires a lot of conscious effort on the part of the individual. And when I say effort, I really mean there is need of a great deal of hard work. Forgiving someone is like having to go through a cleansing act of the mind, body and the soul. It is to purge oneself of the bitterness and embrace virtuousness, and be the ‘bigger man’. If you have ever forgiven someone you would know what I am talking about here. If you haven’t, let it be a guideline.
The second step towards being an adult is to learn to forget. This too isn’t easy. In fact, for the record, it is even more a difficult task than the one that involves forgiving. To forget a bad is like visualizing something bitter never happened. It is like blotching a part of our memory lane and imagining all good is ‘out there’. It’s a self belief that bad things perhaps happen for a reason, and the only reason is for us to learn from it. And once we’ve learnt that we can move on, by forgetting the incident, and adding to our experience, we are then ready to take the next step in our lives.
‘Not forgiven, never forgotten’ is how most of us live our lives. You should know one thing though, that by working things this way, you are holding on to a lot of negative energy which is not only taxing but is also quite exhausting. It is a burden that you do not or are unwilling to let go off. Try this mantra for a change, ‘always forgive, forever forget’. By using this as a life time lesson, you will see how new avenues will open for you on the road to sovereignty and exaltedness. You will learn that carrying excess baggage of hate and forebodings is up to no good, and is never rewarding. Most importantly, how will you get on with life if you hold on to petty skirmishes? The road to happiness is not met by carrying grudges and hate. It is only rewarding if you are willing to let go of the conscious, negative weights and are prepared to learn to forgive and forget.