Posted in Dear Sally

The Abyss

Dear Sally,

You know how I tend to fall into an abyss from time to time. I’ve told you in our journal how dark it is, how foreboding. Frequenting an oblivion is not easy. It is not merry. You forget what you were doing, and after a while you start forgetting why you are doing it. A life where you stand on the ledge all the time, and you don’t know when you will get back to safety. It’s a dreary life. A life I wouldn’t wish on anyone, not even an enemy.

Sometimes, I ask God if death is easier. That too is oblivion, is it not? But then I tell myself that in death you don’t walk the ledge. You are beyond it, here or there. Not suck in the betweens. Not knowing where beyond the ledge I’ll end up while I still hold on to here, death too seems tormenting. Ignorance, Sally, after all is not always a blessing.

I was reading somewhere that faith is a leap into darkness. Into the unknown. Faith is betting on something you know very little about. Choosing to have faith is like a gamble, but it is an all-win situation. Blaise Pascal said, ‘In choosing to believe in God, the risk is finite but the gain infinite.’ So, while I try to pass the fifteen minutes while my respiration arrests and I cough and choke to breath, I hold on to faith and tell myself “This too shall pass.”

Posted in Dear Sally

How Does Man Console Himself?

Dear Sally,

When man is stricken with grief, how does he console himself? In those heavy moments, when the weight of your own body feels too much, and you wish you could wrench your heart out in hope that maybe you would feel less…how does man console himself?

We tell ourselves, “have hope”, “have faith”, but what is hope and faith? Were we born with these entities, or were we supposed to learn about them and gradually develop them? Who was supposed to teach us about them? Does by being a part of a religion or a sect provide us with hope and faith? So, does that mean that people who do not believe in a Higher Power are void of them?

Sometimes, Sally, I think that in moments of grief and despair we tend to lie to ourselves. But, what then, shall we do when we run out of lies? How do we then console ourselves? Is ripping our heart out from our chest, the best solution? Or should we ask God to make us feel less, that we may no longer carry the grief that sometimes hits us bad? Does that mean that we should trade an aching heart for a life-less stone- a heart that does not feel anything? More importantly, are we willing to exchange the pain for less humanity?

How does man console himself?